Post Date
Blog Category Subject
6/3/2018Site NewsLike a Bat Out of Hell--You will return!

And so, my flunky Quark Master finally gets his act together and fixes his techy stuff.

Lucky for him, he only had 2 months left before he would have had to enter my apprenticeship program.

Speaking of apprentice...I see that other fellow with an apprenticeship program has done very well for himself.  This new show is far more amusing than the previous one, it is even better than the celebrity version.

More to come...

5/30/2009MoviesDrag Yourself To Hell
  Greetings,

   I, Balthazar, do hereby approve, and in fact demand, all loyal subjects proceed to the theatre and view this film.  Drag Me To Hell 

   Naturally, I had my doubts about it, I point to Spider Man 3 as case in point, where the Venom suit failed to cement its hold on Peter Parker, among other issues; however having now reviewed this new movie, I can approve it.

    I am frankly amazed, at the accuracy of this film.  As far as I am concerned it's almost a documentary.  Particularly given that...well, I can't say without giving information away...suffice to say, I was not displeased with it.

   Further I fully expect that in the sequel an Apple Mac will be charging into hell with a chainsaw...

   I've always wanted a Mac, I hope he comes with AppleCare and a fully loaded, heavy metal, iTunes library.

Balthazar
4/12/2009Site NewsThe Apprentice In Hell: Episode 1
Greetings Minions,

As you obviously recall (or else). I have put out a call for demon trainees, "apprentices" if you will. What with all the new reservations in hell from soon to be departed bankers (thank you, middle class peasants, I love a good uprising).

I have now received rsumes from several thousand supplicants and have narrowed the list down to the first 5; and they have been relocated to accomodations in my domain.

Rest assured these are not as nice as Donald Trump's.  

If you are so amused, you may view their training and exploits on my website, www.damnedtohell.com. I have posted snapshots of the first episde.and will post subsequent images of their training and transformation.

The initial interview process is being conducted by my long time loyal servant, Lord Cornuto and his new Teaching Assistant, Adrian.  (You may recall Adrian's recent suicidal decent into Hell).

 -Balthazar

3/20/2009NewsNew Applicants
Greetings,

Many of my loyal subjects have wondered why I, Balthazar, have not been posting as much the last week.  Well, it turns out my reservations department got overloaded this past week.   They were already overworked and miserable, as I like them, what with the glut of reservations coming from Wall Street; executives who made reservations in my domain by taking ridiculous bonuses for destroying their companies, but then last weekend we suddenly had a glut of reservations from AIG-FP people who reserved the most horrendous suites available in my domain.  And after all, these are the people who destroyed the World Economy for me, so they deserve my best!   

Of course, planning in Hell is about as bad as it is in Washington DC, so my minions didn't have enough suites available, so I've set them a digging new Oubliettes into which to throw these damned souls when they arrive.

Of course, my next issue is the hiring and training of new staff to torture these souls, believe it or not there is only a finite number of demons available, and the greed and corruption of the last several decades has far outsripped our ability to staff our facilities.  Thus, DR (Demon Resources) is currently hiring apprentice demons.   They need to receive at least 7 years of claws on torture before we can let them loose on bankers.  But before that, they need to experience 6 years, 6 months and 6 days of directed torture, so they can learn first hand what is painful and what is exquisitely nightmarish.  It's a 13 year plan, and we need to start now, I am pretty sure some of these bankers are going to be lynched by a mob with pitchforks once their names are released to the public.

So anyway, we are real busy down here.  If you know anyone in need of work, have them send us their resume.  Of course, realizing that working for me is an eternal commitment.  You can't quit, EVER.  You can of course get "Fired" so to speak, Heh Heh, but that's in the flames of Hell and is not as much fun as unemployment.

-Balthazar

3/9/2009NewsHand Maiden Speaks
If you live in New York, Chicago or Boston do not miss my Hand Maiden, Ann Coulter, doing valiant battle with that vile "champion" of free will, Bill Maher in the 2009 Speaker Series.
 
Every time I think of that annoying Bill Maher character who thinks people should be "free" to do what they want rather than what I want...I get extra hot under my wings.   Thankfully my beloved pet, Ann, will be there to battle him and extole the virtues of hatred, greed, arrogance and self interest.

NYC tonight, Boston Tuesday, Chicago Wednesday don't miss the Archon of Evil, the Dark Lady Coulter squash that easy going "love thy neighbor" "God & Satan don't exist"  pot smoking nut job Bill Maher.

Remember the quote was not "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" it was actually "Do unto others as I, Balthazar, would do unto you!"

-Balthazar

3/4/2009TVO.M.D! Best Reaper Ever!
  Oh. My. Devil!

Was that not the greatest Reaper episode to date?

Or at least the most recent.

I order you all to have enjoyed it.

If you missed it, well, I shall enjoy feasting on your entrails.
You miscreants will perish shortly, and feel my wrath.

-Balthazar
3/3/2009TVVoted Smoted, Watch Reaper!
  Who cares if you Voted for a politican?

Vote for the best TV show in Hell, Reaper on the CW, returns tonight at 8E/7C.

Watch it or die!

-Balthazar
2/24/2009TVWatch Reaper or Die!
As a reminder to all my victims out there:

Reaper returns to the CW next Tuesday, March 3, 2009.

You are hereby ordered to watch it or I will feast on your bowels while my minions force feed you castor oil!


    -Enjoy Balthazar

2/23/2009Crazed RantRE: My Name has nothing to do with publishing.
I thought you told me that you worked on creating Black Holes to destroy the Earth?

This is the first time I've heard anything about death rays.   Not that I object, but the Black Hole just seems like a better/more efficient means of global annihilation.

-Balthazar


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